Rude

There aren't too many women who enjoy being pregnant...the heart burn, weight gain, back pain, constipation, bladder/yeast infections, bloating, varicose veins, etc, etc...Of course we say it's all worth it, but it doesn't make the 9 months any easier. I wish people were a little more sensitive to the feelings of the hormonally spiked pregnant woman. Over the last several months, I have been shocked at some of the comments I have received. Here are a few of those:
You are big.
You are the most pregnant woman I've known.
Are there 4 in there?
The baby's not that big so what's all of that?
Are you seconds away or what?
You really don't have until May?
Wow!

I've had lots of people just laugh. Like strangers, when I turn and they see my stomach, they can't help laughing. How do they think that makes me feel? Exactly, they don't think.

Thankfully, there have been some nice comments. The most common one is, "You are such a cute pregnant woman." Or, "You can't even tell from behind that you're expecting". My favorite was a lady who called my stomach precious. But like with any hurtful or negative exposure, it takes several positive ones to make up for that. Unfortunately, there haven't been enough.

I am well aware that my stomach protrudes further out than the average woman's. I just wish that people were smart enough to realize I already know that. I'm living with it! They don't need to remind me every day.

There, I'm done. I can smile now when the next stranger approaches me with all the insensitivity of a male schovanistic pig.

Gratitude

I am preparing a Young Women lesson on Gratitude, and one of the suggestions I am going to give the girls is to keep a "gratitude journal". We just decorated journals tonight for our mutual activity so that will be perfect. I thought I should start one and since I'm on my computer and it's too late to try and find a journal I'd start here.

Things I'm grateful for today:
Grilled turkey and cheese sandwiches
neighbors for Brigham to play with
My ability to teach piano
Brooke's "thank you's" for getting her water and feeding her apple pancakes
A clean kitchen when I came home late from mutual
Telephones so the kids could talk to Barr while he's in Colorado
That basketball practice wasn't as scarey as Brigham thought it would be
My very comfortable bed that I need to get into!

Good night.

Blessing

It's now October 5th and I'm about 9 or 10 weeks along in my pregnancy. At 5 weeks we told the kids since I was starting to show and feeling sick. Last week the sickness wasn't as bad and for the last few days my stomach hasn't hurt. I'm just a little tired still but if I eat every hour or two, I feel pretty good.



Because of my last pregnancy ending so early, I can't help but worry that I will lose this baby as well. And the fact that I'm feeling better at only 10 weeks adds to my concern. Sunday night I asked Barr to give me a blessing. Here is what I remember from that:



The Lord knows my thoughts and desires. He is pleased that I want to be a righteous mother and bring another child to the earth. He blessed me that this would be realized and I would have another baby. This baby would bring much joy to me and be a great blessing to our family dynamic. He then blessed me to continue to use prayer and scripture study to stay close to the Lord. And to listen for promptings on how I can serve others around me. That there are ladies in the ward and neighborhood that I can reach out to and develop friendships with.



Those are the main things. I wish someone could have been typing the blessing while he was giving it as I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot! I feel very grateful that Barr is worthy and willing to bless me with his priesthood.



The blessing strengthened my faith in the Lord as they always do. I was relieved to learn that I will mother another child. The wording was unclear whether it will be this child I am currently carrying or another one. When I asked Barr about that afterwards, he just laughed and said, "It better be this one since we are done!". I want to believe that. I want this to be it. It's hard being pregnant and the thought of losing this baby and having to start over again makes me tired! I am trying to stay positive and thinking that I'm just lucky that the sickness didn't last very long this time.



The second part of the blessing meant a lot to me since I had been thinking about how I have the time now to serve others more. With all my kids in school full day, I have a new freedom. I have often prayed that I would know who needs help and that I would be able to offer that. I am still learning to distinguish my thoughts from inspiration. I have learned that sometimes they are the same. Yesterday I finally acted on some of those. I called Joy Varner and we talked for a while and scheduled to have lunch next week. I also called the Esplins since they had a baby yesterday. Hopefully I'll be able to help drive Max to swim team once his grandma leaves. I'm also feeling like I should reach out to our new neighbor, Kim. It's not easy being new to the neighborhood and having to make new friends. Without the church, I probably still wouldn't have many friends here and it was our 1-year anniversary moving here on Sunday.

Conference weekend was nice. I had been feeling depressed and mad at Barr for the last week. I'm guessing it was due mostly to hormone changes...another reason pregnancy is hard. I was finally able to talk to him about it and start to feel like I didn't hate him anymore. This will sound silly, but I think the turning point was that he canceled his bike ride Saturday morning with a guy in the ward. The last several weeks they've gone riding for several hours on Saturdays. They leave early so that they don't miss too much, but having been feeling so sick and tired I just wanted one morning where he got up with Brooke. She would always wake up as soon as he left and would ask for him. She's starting to understand the days and how Saturday there isn't school. She likes staying home. Anyway, I think I just let that bug me and took it that he didn't care that I was feeling bad and he has the freedom to just leave in the morning. So instead he went running with me and pushed Brooke in the stroller. It was nice to feel good enough to run again and even nicer that he was spending time with us. He then woke up Ben and took him on a bike ride. Even though I didn't know it, that's what I wanted. I wanted him to spend Saturday with us instead of with Mike.

He's in Ohio this week but during the week I don't really mind his traveling too much. I usually sleep better when he's gone and I don't have to get up and pack his lunch before seminary. After a few days though, we're all glad when he comes home. I know this week Brigham is missing him since Thursday is the pine wood derby and I have to help him with his car!

Saturday, July 3rd

Happy Birthday Karen! We were hoping the Wilkinson's would be able to fly down here for the holiday weekend, but I think they are going to Cinti. next week. Maybe sometime later this summer they will come and visit. Barr's sister, Emily, brought Logan down earlier this week for a few days of Disneyland. It was fun visiting with them. The timing wasn't great since Brigham had cubscout camp everyday. I let him skip Wednesday since it looked like Logan was just going to be hanging out here for the morning. We took them to the pool for a few hours and I think they had fun playing together. Although Ben hid Logan's flip flops on top of the garbage can trying to be funny and the grounds crew must have thrown them away. I could tell Ben felt bad, but how many times does a kid have to make stupid choices before they learn? I told him not to hide them. It's like he feels like he has to do things like that to stand out or get attention. I wish he felt comfortable enough with himself and others to just be normal. To play with or hang out with other kids and not have to cause a scene or hurt someone. For the most part, he's a good kid. He's still learning though to think about how his actions and words affect other people. I sometimes worry about Brigham's self esteem with an older brother always putting him down. It's a vicious cycle since that just causes Brigham to be more annoying to Ben. They'll all love each other when they're older, right?

This morning is a bi-ward Fun run and Family activities. Barr and I will do the 5K race at 8:00 and the kids will do the 1K at 9:00. Since the July 4th festivities are all on Sunday this year, I think this was a great idea so that we don't feel like we're missing out on all the fun because we are trying to keep the Sabbath day holy.

Yesterday I took the kids to the movies. The boys saw, Avatar: the Last Airbender. Brittany and I went to Eclipse. Definitely made for the young teenage girl audience. She loved it. I found myself rolling my eyes and getting annoyed at all the drama and the never ending love triangle that's been going on for all 3 movies now. Brigham's friend, Reese, was there with his family and some friends. I was wishing I wasn't so cheap and that I would have just bought the kids the $8 popcorn and $5 sodas. I was embarrassed that his friends sat by him with his can of Sprite from home and his baggie of popcorn and Snickers bar and licorice hidden in his pocket! I don't know if he cared. Is it wrong to sneak snacks from home into the movies? Brigham asked me that as I was packing things in my purse to take. I guess since we have to hide it, it's probably not the right thing to do. I justify it by saying I'm paying $10 a ticket already. I'm not going to spend another $30 on snacks. That would be $70 just to take 4 of us to a movie! They only say "not outside food or drink" so that you have to spend more money. Is that bad? Would the prophet sneak a candy bar in?

I better get ready for the race...

Wednesday, June 23rd

You know when you watch a movie about a terminally ill child and you see the pain the mother is in? To a small degree, I felt that tonight. All I could do is go sit outside in the beautiful night air and cry as my heart ached for Brooke.

I got a call from the anesthesiologist during dinner just confirming her appointment at the dentist office for tomorrow. He asked me to tell him about Brooke so I did. Apparently I said too much. He said he wanted to do some research on her deletion and call me back. A few hours later I get a message saying he's not comfortable putting her under and he recommends her dental work be done in a hospital where they can keep her overnight. What???? So I call him back and have a half hour discussion on why I disagree with him. "There's just not enough information on her condition". So what? To me that's not a valid reason. "Her low muscle tone could result in her aspirating if she were to throw up after she wakes". Very unlikely, especially since she's not allowed to eat or drink anything before going in. "You said she has some respiratory issues which is a red flag to me." I still don't see how that plays a big part in his concern.

So now what? We've been waiting a month for this. It's 8:30 the night before her appointment and now what do I do? Do I have to find another dentist that works in hospitals? How long does it take to get a hospital appointment? What do I do in the meantime with her tooth ache? How much is this going to cost? Is keeping her overnight for observation for 2 baby root canals and 5 fillings really necessary?

And then when I think about the trauma this experience will cause her, that's when I want to cry again. I have already had sleepless nights worrying about taking her in to the dentist office and getting the work done. I can't even imagine trying to keep her in a hospital bed and expecting her to understand what's going on.

So I guess the feelings of "why does she have to go through this" allow me to empathize with those parents of terminally ill children. Maybe all parents ask that question. But I think it's different than asking why your typical 13 year old struggles with stuttering or why math doesn't come easily to your 11-year-old. So why is it different? Cancer, Down's, del 9q34.3...these kids are different. Special. They don't complain. They are innocent. She's asleep on the couch, drooling all over her shirt, hair stuck from sweat to her forehead, so perfect, yet unable to sit in a dental chair and have cavities filled. And not being able to explain to her what's going on...why her tooth hurts, why she'll have to fast, why she'll have to go to a new dentist and then the hospital, and why her mouth will be sore, and why it will feel funny to bite. I don't like having a broken heart.

Wednesday, June 23rd

We have been looking forward to this day for months...the Last Day of School! I was so excited I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. Actually that happens a lot and can be a little frustrating. At least I have been falling asleep easily which is usually more frustrating.

Brigham is especially glad that this will be his last day with Mrs. Dresser. Yesterday he came home from school with a big blue ribbon pinned on his shirt for winning the 50-yard dash against all the 3rd graders, but the first words out of his mouth were, "this is the worst day of my life!". Since I hear that several times a week, it doesn't mean anything anymore. But I was surprised when he started crying telling me how he only received a certificate instead of a bronze, silver, or gold medal for the Olympic Reading Challenge he's been working on all year. I called Mrs. Dresser so she could explain to us how that happened. I guess since he came into the school year late, he missed all those days of reading. Brittany's teacher didn't dock her those points, but I guess we shouldn't expect Mrs. Dresser to be fair. And then Brigham thought he only needed to read 20-30 minutes a day since that is what each monthly calendar stated, but on the phone she told me 40 minutes and acted like she had no idea what I was talking about when I told her all the calendars said differently. I could go on and on, but it will just make me more upset. And then Brittany brings home the yearbook and we find that Brigham's picture isn't in there. He tells me when they came around to his class asking for anyone who didn't have their picture taken yet, he raised his hand and told Mrs. Dresser he needed to but she wouldn't listen to him. I know that probably sounds silly, but I've been in her classroom and can totally see how that would happen...and does happen every day. Just one more reason I am so glad today has finally come!

There's a 5th Grade Memories slide show this morning that I'll get to attend. All the schools let out at 12:05 so Ben and Austin Cook will walk to Subway for lunch. After Brooke gets home, we'll pick them up and then head to the 5th grade pool party. I wanted to do something special for Brigham for surviving this year but with everything else going on (and Barr gone again tonight with a work meeting) and a YM/YW pool pool party tonight I need to go to, all I could do was let him invite a friend to come with us this afternoon to the 5th grade party.

Barr just asked if I wanted to go run with him. Yes, but I need to be showered and ready to go by 6:45 so that I can get all the kids ready and out the door by 7:40. He usually doesn't take into account how long things take. We wouldn't get back from runnng until after 6:30 which would leave me 10 mintues to get ready. Then again he's never gotten all the kids ready for school before. Lunches to pack, breakfast to make, backpacks to get ready, Brittany asking advice on the 4 different outfits she'll try on, getting Brigham's hair to lie down, trying to get Brooke to eat her breakfast and let me do her hair. It's crazy here for that 45 minutes, but I love doing it.

There are people visiting Scotts this week so there are work activities every evening. Last night they all went to an Angels/Dodger game. I'm glad he got to do that, but honestly it would be easier on me if he were out of town rather than showing up to sleep and then waking up to exercise and leave again. At least I don't have to fix a big dinner this week! And he brought me home left overs Monday night.

We have been trying to have Amanda Sheetz over to meet with the missionaries for 2 weeks now. She has cancelled on us 3 times because things have come up. Even though she says she's not trying to get out of it, it's hard not to wonder. We now have it scheduled for Monday evening. Hopefully this time it will work!

About a month ago the Elders challenged us to invite 2 nonmembers to hear the discussions. I talked with Janet Kerkow about coming over, but she politely passed. We've been praying to know who is ready, but still haven't found the right one. Maybe Amanda is.

Tomorrow is Brooke's big dentist appointment where she gets put under anesthesia and has 2 root canals and 5 fillings. She's not scheduled until 11:00 so can't eat or drink anything all morning. That's going to be so hard since she won't understand why. I'm really nervous about tomorrow, but after her screaming Saturday night because of tooth pain, I'm also ready for her to get this done.

Saturday we had Barr's seminary class over for an end-of-the-year party. They were a little crazy. After the find the candy in the plate of whipped cream game, 2 of the girls totally got into a whipped cream fight, rubbing it all over each other. That turned into a major water fight which lasted almost an hour. Everyone had to get in the hot tub to warm up after getting soaked with hose water. They seemed to have a good time, but Brooke was hysterical with all the yelling and "fighting". I thought it was nice that Barr wanted to have a party for them.

Brittany's up and it's only 6:07. She must be excited for today too! Time to go shower....

June 15, 2010

For the most part I have felt Barr and I have had similar views on how to spend money. Financial issues typically don't cause stress in our marriage. Today I was thinking how there are little things that we don't agree on. One is the flower pots on our front porch. He came home one Saturday after taking Brittany to Home Depot and had 2 big clay pots with beautiful flowers in them. He set them just on the edge of our front porch and they look very nice. We have tried flowers and plants there before and they have always died. They get too much sun and I tell him I don't want to have to remember to water them every day. For some reason that one extra thing of things I have to do everyday is just too much. I guess if I felt like it was really important, but we have beautiful blooming bushes all around our front yard. I don't think we need anything else. So of course, this new set of flowers dies, but he's persistant. I guess while he and Brigham were throwing the football around, one of the pots broke. So he actually bought another one and 2 new flowers and now we're doing it again. I noticed today that they flowers are wilting, but did I go and fill up the watering can? No.

Another example is one of our landscape lights that lines the sidewalk is broken. A neighbor tripped on it and the stem cracked. So I went to Home Depot and Lowes trying to replace it but neither store carries it. I called Synda to see where she bought it from and it was Home Depot. So our only option is to order it online for over $100! My vote is just not replace it. I don't care if we're short a light. Who even looks at them anyway? I never do. But Barr thinks it's worth the money. So what do you do?

You go outside and cut your husband's hair since he's waiting for you. That's what you do. At least we both agree that it's not worth paying a barber when I can use the clippers!