Blessing

It's now October 5th and I'm about 9 or 10 weeks along in my pregnancy. At 5 weeks we told the kids since I was starting to show and feeling sick. Last week the sickness wasn't as bad and for the last few days my stomach hasn't hurt. I'm just a little tired still but if I eat every hour or two, I feel pretty good.



Because of my last pregnancy ending so early, I can't help but worry that I will lose this baby as well. And the fact that I'm feeling better at only 10 weeks adds to my concern. Sunday night I asked Barr to give me a blessing. Here is what I remember from that:



The Lord knows my thoughts and desires. He is pleased that I want to be a righteous mother and bring another child to the earth. He blessed me that this would be realized and I would have another baby. This baby would bring much joy to me and be a great blessing to our family dynamic. He then blessed me to continue to use prayer and scripture study to stay close to the Lord. And to listen for promptings on how I can serve others around me. That there are ladies in the ward and neighborhood that I can reach out to and develop friendships with.



Those are the main things. I wish someone could have been typing the blessing while he was giving it as I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot! I feel very grateful that Barr is worthy and willing to bless me with his priesthood.



The blessing strengthened my faith in the Lord as they always do. I was relieved to learn that I will mother another child. The wording was unclear whether it will be this child I am currently carrying or another one. When I asked Barr about that afterwards, he just laughed and said, "It better be this one since we are done!". I want to believe that. I want this to be it. It's hard being pregnant and the thought of losing this baby and having to start over again makes me tired! I am trying to stay positive and thinking that I'm just lucky that the sickness didn't last very long this time.



The second part of the blessing meant a lot to me since I had been thinking about how I have the time now to serve others more. With all my kids in school full day, I have a new freedom. I have often prayed that I would know who needs help and that I would be able to offer that. I am still learning to distinguish my thoughts from inspiration. I have learned that sometimes they are the same. Yesterday I finally acted on some of those. I called Joy Varner and we talked for a while and scheduled to have lunch next week. I also called the Esplins since they had a baby yesterday. Hopefully I'll be able to help drive Max to swim team once his grandma leaves. I'm also feeling like I should reach out to our new neighbor, Kim. It's not easy being new to the neighborhood and having to make new friends. Without the church, I probably still wouldn't have many friends here and it was our 1-year anniversary moving here on Sunday.

Conference weekend was nice. I had been feeling depressed and mad at Barr for the last week. I'm guessing it was due mostly to hormone changes...another reason pregnancy is hard. I was finally able to talk to him about it and start to feel like I didn't hate him anymore. This will sound silly, but I think the turning point was that he canceled his bike ride Saturday morning with a guy in the ward. The last several weeks they've gone riding for several hours on Saturdays. They leave early so that they don't miss too much, but having been feeling so sick and tired I just wanted one morning where he got up with Brooke. She would always wake up as soon as he left and would ask for him. She's starting to understand the days and how Saturday there isn't school. She likes staying home. Anyway, I think I just let that bug me and took it that he didn't care that I was feeling bad and he has the freedom to just leave in the morning. So instead he went running with me and pushed Brooke in the stroller. It was nice to feel good enough to run again and even nicer that he was spending time with us. He then woke up Ben and took him on a bike ride. Even though I didn't know it, that's what I wanted. I wanted him to spend Saturday with us instead of with Mike.

He's in Ohio this week but during the week I don't really mind his traveling too much. I usually sleep better when he's gone and I don't have to get up and pack his lunch before seminary. After a few days though, we're all glad when he comes home. I know this week Brigham is missing him since Thursday is the pine wood derby and I have to help him with his car!